Saturday, December 30, 2006

The next First Family

Can I be snarky? Paweezzeee? Ok, here we go.

You can tell a lot about people by the Christmas cards they send out. Especially those who have the picture of their brood on the front. Some do better than others. Some spend more than other. Some probably should have taken more pictures.

Being that I will most likely retire during the next Administration - the Fates will make sure that things will be all nightmare-like when I put away the un-I-form and try to get a real job. Therefore; I will walk into a, ahem, Democrat Presidential Administration.

Let's look at the front runners, via their 2006 Christmas cards, shall we?

(sung to the sound of "The Simpsons")

The Edwards

First of all, how can you expect to control the world's most powerful nation when you can't even control what your oldest child wears for the picture? Hon, I only say this because from one Southerner to another I care for you like you were a Cousin - Sis'tuh, you don't have the thighs to carry a mini-skirt. I mean, seriously; I can almost see the tender-vittles - not that I was trying to look or anything - but they are just stressing to try to grab the camera.

Now, Mama, we should have our picture taken with our eyes open. John has made a lot of money blaming OB-GYN for everything but toe-jam and saying that he knows what a child is thinking while in the womb - surely he can afford a few more minutes of the photographer's time to snap a few more pictures.

The two younger kids look about right. The middle child is fed-up with the younger - and the youngest (and only boy) is having a ball making the middle child fed-up. Nice, normal family on balance though.

The patriarch himself just looks bored, worn, and tired. Must be all the shoveling.

(said with the same inflection Forest Gump says "Al-a-bama")

The Obamas

Looks like Senator Obama still has "issues" with his ears. He has his head tilted to the right to minimize the starboard one, and his daughter is holding down the port one with her nogg'n. Mama seems to be self-conscience about her teeth - so the cartoonists can tease the family about Mom's teeth and Dad's ears and the rest of us can watch them implode.

The kids look standard issue and cute as a button. Like his campaign, the photo emphasized black-and-white, so get used to it. Quality work, but being that it is by uber-photographer Annie Liebovitz; he paid for it. At least they look presidential.

(grab your hair, wallet, guns, and health-care policy and with a Munch like face scream....)

The Clintons

What is there to say? Bill looks drunk and leering at the booty of some woman off camera. Chelsea is well medicated, and Senator Clinton really wants to be somewhere else - and really wants to make sure her maiden name is there somewhere.

BTW, what is it with the tropical theme inside, and the snow outside? The Feng Shui is all off. Oh, wait, I know. They want you to know that they have so much money they can take off for tropical vacations at Christmas. Now I get it. The Nuevo-Rich are so cute.

That's it. Obama has it. No experience, goofy Leftist - but he has it. Image will give you 50.1% of the mushy middle at a minimum. Ask Bob Dole.

Hat tip John J. Miller at The Corner - and TheDailyKos (yes, them).

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