Tuesday, January 23, 2007

24: Best. Summary. Ever.

Emperor Misha I has outdone himself. Miss the episode? Need to catch up? He has it all for you. I don't know what part of the episode I liked the most. This;
At the White House, President Allstate Jr is trying to find out which country is behind Fayed.

“We have a short list of possibles on your screen, Mr President.”

“Have they been contacted?”, Allstate McNoodleSpine asks.

“Yes sir. They all extend their condolences, saying that ‘their hearts are filled with sorrow at watching the blood of infidel pigs run through the streets at the command of Allah, most Merciful’.”

“Well, that’s nice. Notice how they worked in religious sentiment? Didn’t I TELL you guys that Islam is a religion of peace?”

“Oh, and they of course all deny having anything to do with the attack.”

“Well”, President Allstate McLimpwrist says, “that settles it. Since none of them have provided us with a full confession in the presence of 4 witnesses, we’ll just have to sit on our hands and do nothing.”

“With all due respect, Mr President”, the Naval Chief of Staff interrupts, “but are you out of your freaking gourd? Those yallas just set off a flipping nuke in a major metropolitan area and you want to do NOTHING?”

“You heard the man, Admiral”, President Allstate Jr replies, “they said they didn’t do it and they would NEVER lie. Besides, we haven’t asked France yet.”

With any luck, the next nuke on the show will be set off in the Fuhrerbunker before President Allstate Jr manages to sit on his hands for long enough for the entire nation to be wiped out.

The Admiral gets up and leaves the room in disgust, thus leaving the area completely ball-less.
...or this;

Outside, Wally-Wally (who hasn’t been too good at getting information from the Obvious Terrorists™ who obviously don’t trust him up until now) is grabbed by the FBI agents who drag him off to the mens’ room, making sure that the door is open so the dozen or so Obvious Terrorists™ gathered outside won’t miss a single word of their performance.

“Listen, you raghead bastard, we’re gonna cut you GOOD!”, they shout while roughing up Wally-Wally and taping a wire to him.

“Hava nagila, hava nagila…” Agent Smith sings while beating Wally-Wally over the head with the Torah.

“Death to Amerika!”, Wally-Wally shouts.

“You will never stop the Zionist Conspiracy from controlling the entire world, you Arab pig!”, another agent shouts while making sure that his jacket with ‘MOSSAD’ written on the back is in clear view of the assembled Obvious Terrorists™.

“Allah-u-Akbar!”, Wally-Wally cries out as somebody pokes him in the eye with a dreidel.

“Ah, forget about it. He’s not going to talk”, one of the agents say when the wire is in place, “let’s go make some matzo balls. Did you remember to bring the blood, Moishe?”

The agents leave. Meanwhile, Cynthia McKinney is going ballistic, protesting like crazy and, through the heroic self-restraint of the FBI agent in charge, manages to not get pistol-whipped.

Read it all - on an empty bladder.

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