Sunday, January 15, 2012

Sunday Funnies


More Broadside here.

49 comments:

Andy said...

Which, apparently, the Captain of the M/V Costa Concordia did not have.  Deaths reportedly now at five, with anywhere between 13 to 17 still missing and unaccounted for.

Grandpa Bluewater said...

Too true to be funny.

Phone talker training is so important and a competent phone talker is  so vital. So are officers who give clear standard orders calmly and correctly in the clutch.

Remember the "Bedford Incident"?

Byron said...

Sounds like the discussion on the bridge of that Italian liner that sank after hitting a clearly marked rocky reef Friday, the captain of which abandoned ship before his passengers did and who is now facing 11 years in jail for that simple act. That's not counting the manslaughter charges he's facing.

ewok40k said...

Sounds like a checklist of misfortunes USS "South Dakota" suffered in the second "big ones" night scrap at Guadalcanal - and they have won that one!

cdrsalamander said...

Andy & Byron for the win!

Wstr said...

The men from HMS Birkenhead are looking down with contempt.

LT Rusty said...

See, I figured that Phib wouldn't go for the joke about a fatal accident while they're still cleaning it up.

That said, my first thought was "huh, didn't know that RADFORD was a test platform for Task Force Uniform."

Byron said...

You know why I'm really pissed? Friday afternoon my wife and one of her girlfriends boarded a cruise liner in Charleston for the Bahamas and Key West...a Carnival ship, the same line that owned the one in the Med. I TOLD her to never again get a Carnival cruise, they suck, ride Royal Caribbean instead. Now I got to sweat and pray till next Wednesday when she gets back...

Redeye80 said...

This can't reference any US Navy ship I've been on.  There is always three deck officer as the COs I've sailed with have always hedged thier bet with three on duty, it lowers the risk of something happening.

cdrsalamander said...

LT R.,
Save me your sanctimony.  In this line of work, if you don't have a thick skin and a dark sense of humor you will need either a good psychologist, antacid by the bulk, or a large caliber handgun with a short barrel.

Have fun with your hairshirt. 

Did you even read what the Captain of that ship did?  Here, read this.

Laugh, cry or scream.  I always choose laugh.  Your milage may differ.

LT Rusty said...

Okay, maybe I was a little harsh, sorry.  And yeah, the captain of the cruise ship should be hanged, drawn and quartered.  I got no quarrel with that.

(And I already have antacid in bulk and a decent arsenal.   :)   )

Byron said...

I talked to my wife just before she boarded ship in Charleston and she was worried that the ship broke down. I told flat out: someone screwed up. This was a screw up in judgement of monumental proportions. Looks like I was right. And now I only have 3-1/2 days to wait for her to get home and off that damn ship. She ever goes on a cruise again, I'm going with her. If she has to die because of some lazy SOBs bad judgement, I'm going to go with her and be standing by her side at the Pearly Gates.

Big question is, who am I more mad at: the captain of that cruiser, or me? Haven't figured that one out yet.

The Usual Suspect said...

Richard Widmark, Martin Balsam, Sidney Portier, Wally Cox, Eric Portman, and a young Donald Sutherland.  Great movie...analyzing food scraps, schnapps for the former U-boat commander and a driven skipper.

The Usual Suspect said...

I think that whomever you end up being mad at is entirely dependent on whether she gets back or not.

FCC(SW) said...

One's on the bridgewing, eyes-forward.

cdrsalamander said...

Naw LT R - you're fine.  I have my big-boy pants on and, hey, you might actually be right.  I can be a little dismissive now and then.

It was a good Sunday lunch conversation with the wee Salamanders though. Isn't every day you get to talk about damage control, navigation proceedures, bottom charts, the responsibilities of leadership onboard any ship, and abandon ship priorities with your kids - though it a just world it would be. ;)

cdrsalamander said...

No crew rest in the surface navy baby!

Byron said...

Thanks for stating the effing obvious, I truly appreciate that

sarcasm off

No Shit, Sherlock, that was a dumb thing to say to me.

Grandpa Bluewater said...

And very poor face to face communication procedure!

mike said...

Well, like Sal says, you gotta have "a thick skin and dark sense of humor" in this line of work.

Redeye80 said...

Could be, but back in the old days (late 70's) all my training was focused on two officers on duty.  I got the felling in the mid-80's COs were stacking the deck, so to speak.  From what I saw the CO's didn't trust the watch standers and by adding another officer, they supposely reduced the threat.  But then again, this is was on amphibs.

UltimaRatioRegis said...

Funny, the Diversity Nazis require dark skin and NO sense of humor....

Adversus Omnes Dissident said...

I require a day of rest from "Diversity."......

Surfcaster said...

I was looking up some info on google for divers and had typed "US Navy Div..." when the googledamnautocomplete finished with "US Navy DIVERSITY "

Ugg.

Chick CDR said...

Byron, you sound like my husband...I think it drives you Real Men crazy when you can't be there to protect your womenfolk. I don't know about other chicks, but I like it when my Cave Man wants to protect and provide for his Cave Woman and Cave Babies.

Chick CDR said...

So way off topic, watching the Simpsons tonight, and Homer was dressed as Safety Salamander, and I immediately thought of Sal. You've probably hit this before, but I'm new to the front porch...and I'm so tired, I'm completely amused by Kindergarten level humor right now.

C-dore 14 said...

I may have mentioned it here before but I remember the entire Plebe Regiment beong marched over to Mahan Hall on Saturday night at the end of our first full week at USNA to watch "The Bedford Incident".  My first experience with "mandatory fun".  Always thought that this was an odd choice of movies for a bunch of brand new plebes.

mark Scease said...

Lets talk about this again once your wife is home, Byron.  I'm interested in your takeon the loss of power incident off San Diego last year.  BTW, you do know she is statistically safer on her cruise than coming home from the store in a car.  Never mind, I don't think in statistics either where the loved ones are concerned.

SCOTTtheBADGER said...

In the book, the phrase was , "It's not like I'm going to actually fire an ASROC",  and the Ensign at the ASROC station says " Fire ASROC, Aye"

SCOTTtheBADGER said...

Just looking at cruise ships give me the heebie jeebies. With all that above water structure, and so little below, on has a hard time imagining that they are able to keep 60 percent of the weight below the waterline. The sail area worries me, as well.  What is the metacentric height on one of those, 6 inches? With a 5 inch righting arm?  I am just waiting for one of those to roll over at sea. Or even in port, like the cruise ship EASTLAND did in Chicago in 1914.

UltimaRatioRegis said...

Chick CDR,

The Simpsons may be kindergarten humor, but it is still in the top half of network comedies for sophistication.

Which is saying something....

UltimaRatioRegis said...

Aboslutely not, today of all days!

When, to honor MLK, the Navy judges people by the color of their skin, not the content of their character!

Surfcaster said...

One would think charater would triumph over half-assedness and manipulation but their must be less money & power in character.

Former 3364 said...

This is why there are crossed swords on the SWO pin (watch your back P/T)   :)


Former maneuvering watch bridge P/T

Adversus Omnes Dissident said...

Big fan of Safety Salamander.......and Sexual Harassment Panda :)

DeltaBravo said...

URR, you'll be happy to know that it seems the arty jockeys at Quantico have spent the whole morning making the surrounding villages shake with their loud toys.  I guess that's how youse guys spend your holidays... making things go boom.

Byron said...

Sigh....Mike, I have a thick skin about most everything...except my wife, the woman I've been married to for all these years.

Good news, she called from Key West and everything is fine. I can sleep now.

C-dore 14 said...

I feel the same way about those "vehicle transport ships".

LCDRLDO/6440 said...

Reminds me of my days as the 1-JV bridge phone talker on the USS DEYO (DD 989). Lot's of fun!

CAPT JAP (RET -Deceased?) said...

Maybe we in the navy should not talk or point the finger too much. Remember the AEGIS Cruiser and the entrance to Pearl?  Even the Queen Elisabeth II ran aground off Massachusetts. And for you true Ship handler SWOs it was because they did not know "SQUAT". Look it up. ;)

UltimaRatioRegis said...

Ahh, the thunder of the guns...

I might try and market a cologne that smells like Charge 7 WB...  I already have a slogan:

"Real men smell like cannon smoke and gun grease!"

The Usual Suspect said...

<span>Byron,  
I guess I will have to annotate my comments to you in the future.  I was trying to inject some levity.  I understand your concern; however, odds are that she will make the trip successfully.  Dry humor (no pun intended) doesn't translate very well in this medium sometimes.  Name is not even close to Sherlock btw.  </span>
<span>On a totally unrelated note, you should also know that I appreciate your insights from the shipyard view of the Navy. Having had to work on/repair equipment designed by engineers and operated by non-engineers I appreciate the view of those who fix the shortcomings of both the equipment and the operators.
</span>

SCOTTtheBADGER said...

The big car carriers? Yep, yep, yep.

SCOTTtheBADGER said...

You're a good man, Byron, even if you do think that Badgers are rodents. WE ARE WEASELS, not rodents.  Your wife has a good husband, who cares about her. YAY BYRON! 

ENZ, USN said...

<span>With the simulators today and captains that dictate our orders to the helmsmen, the only practice we get is on digital ships.  I'd rather be back at helmsafety than acting as "Conn" relaying messages from the Captain and the DH on OOD to the helmsman.  Either trust me with the job you've given me and relieve me when you no longer trust me, or don't give me the job in the first place.
 
Sorry a little rant from not being able to really drive the ship when assigned the job... squat, surge, MLLW, advance, transfer, radian rule, whatever you want us JO's to know, provide worthwhile and productive training rather than tense bridge atmospheres where we don't really have the conn so that we can learn.  
 
Bad JO's now leads to bad DH's soon and eventually bad CO's and beyond.  The Navy won't get out of it's current cycle without better role models and better training.</span>

SCOTTtheBADGER said...

Little Salamanders are called Efts, aren't they?

ewok40k said...

gimme a big enough rogue wave and I will give you real life "Poseidon"

MR T's Haircut said...

true story for me, I was standing 0200-0600 TAO watch.  It was part of my responsibility according to the Skippers Night Orders to back up the OOD and ensure we were ahead of the problem to get in position to conduct a PACFIRE for all CWIS batteries and ensure a later sked ONREP in the CVOA's... well at 0130 I got with the OOD and verified Night Orders and required posit at 0800.  About an hour later OOD called down that EOW was conducting rudder checks.  No sweat, ship slows to 2 knots and starts to swing off PIM.  0300ish I call up to OOD to remind him that we need to be in the hot area for PACFIRE at 0800 and commence configure at 0600.  2 hours or 4 depending on whose point of view, EOW finally gives up the rudder checks adn OOD orders a get there quick PIM correction.  I do the simple math (verified by my trusty CDC OS watchtander) that we are NOT gonna be where the Gator told the Skipper we would be at.   0500 I called the CDCO and informed him we were not gonna make it and I was going to recommend to the OOD that he wake the GATOR.  He concured.
Sometime around 0530 Skipper appears on the Bridge and gets briefed by the OOD that we are behind PIM by about 20 miles and 3 hours. He states the reason is the EOW and Rudder Checks etc...

The  Gator calls down to me and commences to chew my ass on the PIC which is on Speaker in CDC for CDCWO log keeping, and blames me and my watch for not setting up the days evolution and not being in the hot area for PACFIRE, he then says I should have kept reminding the OOD to get going on PIM... then he says famously..."Where are WE GOING?" to which I reply, "Um Sir, youre the Navigator, surely you know where we are going?!"  CLICK, "um Hello? GATOR, this is the TAO, you there?, Hello?" 

OS Hyena Laughs in CDC until the CDCO comes running down out of breath looking for a debrief because he has to go see the Skipper.
Later at Dinner I received an apology from the Gator...   

Crazy crap you deal with.  Glad I wasnt the OOD.  He had to live with the Gator, The OPSO owned paper on me...

Byron said...

TUR, when my wifes well-being is in question or doubt, there is nothing humours about the situation, at least not from my perspective. I expect the same would be true if you were worried about someone you loved more than life itself...