Sunday, February 12, 2012

Sunday Funnies

Oldie but goodie ... it is time ... again.

51 comments:

John Squid said...

the dude is at least sporting that infamous reflective belt that I heard Army Fobbit NCO's freak out about

Alo Konsen said...

Belt? What belt? Is it wedged under a fat roll somewhere?

Former 3364 said...

I think that this is the required reflector in this situation

Elf said...

People got in trouble for that picture.    If the interwebs is true - and what is offered as evidence is interwebs so all's fair - that particular soldier was yanked back as IRR, got fcked up by enemy action on a prior deployment and that's when his weight problem began.  And yes he shouldn't be in, he may have felt the same way.  

Glad to see making fun of the unfortunate is all fair.   He's seen more combat THAN YOU.   If only by virtue of being mortared and rocketed at Balad.   As I recall the story his head is a little messed up after an IED.     

Other than the Naval Infantry mentioned and Special Ops, and rather one way air combat the Navy hasn't seen combat never mind war in 67 years.   Firing Tomahawks might look good on a resume.   It's not combat, unless Drone operators qualify for Valor decorations as well.  

As the Navy if put to war would be getting quite the education I'd pray for some humility.  The actual denizens who may overlook our fate are decidely cruel to those who mock others.   

Byron said...

OK, smart ass, since you feel all hurt and angry, how about you provide a little proof to this allegation because all we have right now is your word. Since we don't have a clue as to who you are then be prepared to catch a ton of crap.

And for your education, smart ass, the Navy has it's own fair share of MoH winners since WW2, like the skies over Viet Nam, or the PBRs in the Delta. Now, go back to your damn bridge and get underneath like a real troll should

Byron said...

OT sorta...there's a big to-do at Mayport NS about vehicle drivers honoring the right of pedestrians at crosswalks. The only problem is most of the crosswalks are poorly lit and sailors either in their stupid camo or in dark civies (like the suicidal idiot I nearly ran over a couple of weeks ago). Something...anything that was bright enough to be seen in the dark would go a long way from adding sailors to the Darwin awards nominations, since most of them just march off into the crosswalk without even looking to see if the pluse ton and a half of motor vehicle is going to run them over or not.

Rant, over.

Guest said...

I gave your comment a "LIKE", but consider this:   there is no way that person gained all that excessive weight in just half a year.    That person has been drastically out of shape and in poor exercise, sleep, eating habits for well over a year. 

Where is his Commanding Officer, Executive Officer from last year ?   Have they properly documented this man's problem and put him on a regimented (required!) weight/exercise program ?   Find his XO for the past 18 months and fire him for improper performance of duty.

campbell said...

okay, I've read the comments.   Seems to be a bit of bother with persons taking some offense, some offering explanations, some rebuttals...whatever.  
 I come here for the "funnies", so, I'll just enjoy the implied humor of the pic without giving it more thought.

Oh....and Semper Fi!

Bill said...

Whether conning at sea or crossing the street, one should avoid challenging the other guy's ability to control his piece of machinery.  I never trust the other person to see me.  You have to pay attention to what's going on around you.  And I HATED wearing that stinking glow belt.  Camo in a combat area that lights up. Ptui!

James said...

Hell prob. a football player before the army navy game.

MR T's Haircut said...

" My name's Dewey Oxburger. My friends call me Ox. You might have noticed that, uh, I've got a slight weight problem.  

Yeah, yeah I do. Yeah, I do. I went to this doctor. Well, he told me I swallow a lot of aggression... along with a lot of pizzas! Ha Ha Ha! Pizzas! I'm basically a shy person, I'm a shy guy. Uh, he suggested taking one these uh, aggression training courses. You know these aggression training courses like EST, those type of things. Anyway, it cost 400 bucks! 400 bucks to join this thing? Well I didn't have the money and I thought to myself, "Join the army"! It's free. So I figured while I'm here I'll lose a few pounds. And you got what, a 6 to 8 week training program here? A real tough one. Which is perfect for me. 

I'm going to walk out of here a Lean, Mean, Fightin' Machine! Ha ha ha ha" - Dewey Oxburger

cdrsalamander said...

Elf,
Lighten up Francis.

butch said...

Newton's Laws of Motion trump the Rules of the Road.

LT B said...

That said, Byron, I mastered the incredible technique of looking both ways before crossing.  Mama B and life have left me more than happy to be repsonsible for myself w/o the nanny protection of Mother Navy

LT B said...

Francis,
   If you are stating a lack of danger by associating our (most of us) naval status vice army or marine, well, I can tell you I know several navy personnel that are non HMs and non SEALs that have been hit w/ IEDs, and/or go outside the wire working on projects.  The dude is chubby, the Marine is making fun of him and a "sibling" rival service member.  You know we all mess w/ each other, right?  If brother man is injured, well, he is in all of our prayers, chubby or no.  Lighten up.

Mary Alpha said...

WHERE oh WHERE is Michelle????

Byron said...

LT B, That's because you have half a brain...these idiots traipsing around the base at oh dark thirty think they're bullet proof. Had one idiot out jogging in a dark blue track suit that just ran out in front of me when I was almost on him. I turned instead and pulled up alongside him and asked him if he had an effing death wish. Turned out he was an 0-4 and wanted to know if I knew that. I told him you were nearly a freakin' DEAD 0-4 since you're obviously too stupid to even look to see if I SEE YOU. I pulled off and parked, just knowing I was going to get pulled over by Base Security. Never happened though, so I figured what I said must have sunk in. Still doesn't stop the rest of the idiots and that stupid uniform you guys wear now. Invisible at night, invisible in the water. We're Navy and God always looks after fools and drunks, so we're covered.

pk said...

byron:

sometimes it sweet: i took separation on a late friday afternoon. i was pulled over by base traffic cop as i was heading to the gate. he threatened me with a report to my command and i offered that he go right ahead (with adjectives and flourishes). what i didn't tell him was that the ship was scheduled to sail to westpac at 0900 the next morning and i was halfway to montana when they did.  

by the way when i signed out at the quarter deck i used the officers gangway to leave the ship ( a cardinal sin on that tender for enlisted, almost as bad as throwing officers hats over the side when at sea).

C

pk said...

hey guys the whole thing about navy is keeping the bad guys at enough distance so that you can kill them without ruffling  your whites or delaying liberty call. even having swim call as a direct result of a naval engagement with the loss of seamen is considered bad form.

C

UltimaRatioRegis said...

By the looks of it, she and a couple of her friends are hiding under this dude's shirt!!!

Chick CDR said...

Byron, there is always that classic joke...the two most useless ranks in the Navy (officer corps) both wear gold.

Chick CDR said...

Oh, and one more bit, Byron...any LCDR who gets his hackles up and responds to you like that, I guarantee his wife is a leading member of the knives club and is the first to say, "Do you know who my husband is...?" I always love those chicks...

Chick CDR said...

Speaking of glow belts, here's a pic of glow flags to assist folks across the street. I was home for less than a month when we came across this utter silliness. Hill AFB in Utah, street was one lane each direction, no trees or shrubbery blocking lines of sight, between the track/fields (and RV park where we were staying) and the base gym (complete with two story indoor climbing wall among other things never found at a Navy base), and a few yards from a manned gate. So by the time a car hits the very well marked pedestrian crosswalk, it's probably only going upwards of a whopping 15, maybe 20 mph as they zorch up to the base limit of 25. Glow flag receptacles were strategically placed on both sides of the walk way. This is exactly the FOBbit mindset exported from the rear.

As for the somewhat larger gentleman in Sal's posted pic...seen it a few times and always good for a laugh. Simple humor for my simple brain. If the guy's in a bad way, I wish him well, Elf, but taken at face value, it's still funny. And from personally obtained empirical data (i.e., my eyeballs) the Army is not comprised of 99.95% perfect warrior alpha males, so get over it. I'm waiting for Sal to photoshop and post something similar using one of those gigantic Navy CDRs hanging around the P'gon.

As for those ridiculous Army glowbelts in general, I have to come clean and say I really am an awful excuse for an officer, regardless of service, as I channelled my inner Marine and wore the required glowbelts exactly 3 times in 15 months. And only to passive-aggressively mock a senior officer and some odd creature known as a Cmd Sgt Major (CSM) who would lay in wait at the drinks dispenser in the DFAC to harass me on my rather fashionable interpretation of his Army uniform regs. (Yet another reason we never should've been issued their uniforms....) I became known on-FOB as "that crazy Navy chick/bitch, just leave her alone" and yes, I'm proud. Funny, but when I'd travel to work at one particular FOB, it was no rank, no saluting, no f'ing belts...oh, that's right, b/c there was a mission to do that didn't involve PPT. Back to "home base" FOB, it was RTB REMF HQ...

Byron said...

CDR, since I was giving him my very best impression of a Chief eating out a dumb ensign he didn't get a lot out after he told me who he was. He was stupid, I almost killed him and I was pissed. I wasn't much interested in anything else.

And yeah, heard a thing or two about the knives club :)

LazyChop said...

I suppose the over 1000 KIA USN/USMC and 10000 WIA USN/USMC in Iraq and Afghanistan didn't happen because the "<span>Navy hasn't seen combat never mind war in 67 years."</span>

LazyChop said...

Did somebody say <span>glowbelt</span>?

(Sal, please remove that one if you deem it not safe for work...)

LazyChop said...

Where's the slow-moving vehicle instruction? I've getting flashbacks about the NAVFAC P-300 now...

UltimaRatioRegis said...

Is that why they teach you to be afraid of small arms? 

Adversus Omnes Dissident said...

Small arms don't impress ladies.  Five inch doesn't even cut these days.

C-dore 14 said...

@Elf, Hope that you feel better now that you got that out of your system.  As for me, I was under the impression that I spent a good part of 1972 involved in combat aboard my first destroyer.  I was an Ensign at the time so I might have been mistaken.

As for your broad generalization regarding the Navy's lack of combat involvement since 1945, and since you appear to be a fan of the "interwebs", I'd suggest you "Goggle" Operations Game Warden, Sea Dragon, and Praying Mantis for starters.  From there you can go on the stories of USS STERETT and USS HIGBEE at the Battle of Dong Hoi, USS LIBERTY, and the mine strikes on USS SAMUEL B. ROBERTS and USS PRINCETON in the Persian Gulf.  These all meet your definition of combat and more so.  There are plenty more example if you'd care to look.

As for shooting TLAMs, it's certainly not like ground combat by any stretch of the imagination.  However, the last time I did it I'd just been handed the filtration canisters for my gas mask for the first time in my naval career so the stress level was a tad higher than, say, getting ready for a port visit in Plama.

Over the years I've decided never to denigrate the combat experience of any service colleague.  I'd recommend that you refrain from doing so unless you have a better handle on the facts than you appear to.

C-dore 14 said...

Chick CDR, My wife likes to tell the story of back when I was a "Fleet JG" and she was standing in a long checkout line at the commissary when another woman tried to cut to the head of the line.  When one of the other women objected she used the "Do you know who..." line.  At that point another woman turned around and said "Oh, then he probably knows my husband, RADM X.  Now go back and wait your turn."

MAJHAM@GTMO said...

From an Army guy.  That hurts.  I have to admit, you rarely see a fat Marine.  That being said, you guys still own John Murtha.

James said...

test

ActusRhesus said...

<span> "the Navy hasn't seen combat never mind war in 67 years"</span>

Wow.  Then how the hell did I end up in Sadr City?

Worst. Vacation. Ever.

Adversus Omnes Dissident said...

C-Dore, did you take part in Haiphong Harbor?

FULLBORE!!!

Adversus Omnes Dissident said...

Elf would probably like to tell you that you didn't see war either because you are a female.....

Adversus Omnes Dissident said...

Law of Gross Tonnage and Heavy Caliber

Adversus Omnes Dissident said...

Oldie but goodie

Adversus Omnes Dissident said...

"...a Chief eating out a dumb ensign..."

Too easy.  I'll let it slide.  This time.

cdrsalamander said...

Yea, I was thinking along the lines that driving in Kabul 80 kph the wrong way down a divided four-lane road against traffic to escape an ambush was just being an ugly American on my part. Darn it ... makes it real hard to find Massoud Circle that way.  I'm just glad Army Strong wasn't the third guy in the back seat with me......

andrewdb said...

Elf - do I recognize you from Dr. Exum's website?  Nice of you to join in the fun here. 

My usual Friday night drinking buddy, a recently retired Marine officer, has a similar story about his SGM who was about to bust a Marine for being out of weight standard - just as the SGM was about to open his mouth he realized the guy had a peg leg but had re-deployed.

Dave Foster said...

Yep.  Murtha is a f$%@*ng embarrassment and stain on the Corps.  We have our share of losers, dicks, and assclowns.

C-dore 14 said...

AOD, Unfortunately no.  Since I was on a KNOX-Class DE we weren't assigned to Linebacker/Freedom Train strikes but since our gun always worked we spent most of our time around Cua Viet and the DMZ.  I did paricipate in a stike on Vinh aboard USS NEWPORT NEWS but that's another story.

UltimaRatioRegis said...

Not the arms out of the sleeves.  If THOSE are small, it's your own damned fault.  Bulk up or be crushed!!!

No, I meant pistols and rifles and machine guns.  Which do impress the ladies.  If you can hit something with them. 

And they are an essential element to any zombie plan.

Stu said...

Well, it is old.

LT B said...

I don't wear my belt and my Col said, "Don't get me started on that stupid thing."  That said, I very seldom wear a uniform anyway.  Some of us have been told to grow our hair out.  I can try, but that ship sailed a long time ago.  :)

LT B said...

I am filing a complaint.  This is a hostile blog environment.  *sniff* *sniff*  I forget do the O5's get the lobotomy or the spine removal.  I for get that joke. 

Former 3364 said...

Sir, I would respectfully add USS COLE to your list.

SCOTTtheBADGER said...

So you are a bigger fan of the 5"/38 than the 5"/54?

QMC(SW)(ret) said...

Glow flags to cross the street? Jeez, there's nothing like crossing flags to make you feel like you are back in elementary school.

NAnonymous said...

Hooah?