Sunday Funnies

The Wildbunch at Crawford

There are good reasons to check The Jawa Report on a regular basis.

For your review, nothing more I need to say.

Ward Churchill takes over as head of NORAD

That vein in my forehead is throbbing again. NORAD, no link required; if you don’t know what it is, you should go here.

I’m back for a short period prior to a long down time, so let me be simple with this.

This PC BS has got to stop. It is reaching the point of reading like something from The Onion.

The U.S.-Canadian military commands responsible for protecting North America from terrorists have changed the names of key readiness exercises to more politically correct words that do not offend American Indians.

U.S. Northern Command and North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) at Peterson Air Force Base in Colorado Springs have struck the word "warrior" from one major exercise and replaced it with "phantom," according to a July internal message from command headquarters.

WARRIOR is not a Siberian-American specific term. BRAVE is not a Siberian-American specific term.

"We did change them because of the references to Native Americans," Sgt. Tomassi said. "And the initiative wasn't U.S. or Canadian. It was just NORAD. We are sensitive to such issues. We don't have a professional sports team like the Washington Redskins. But we still are sensitive to the same sorts of issues that those organizations are. When Admiral Keating arrived, the staff was already in progress, saying this was an initiative we wanted to take on, and Admiral Keating embraced it."

Sgt. Tomassi said the word "warrior" often connotes an American Indian, so it was struck.

The crap your people are feeding your PAO pogue just stinks. What a shitty decision, sir. Send an officer out to do this stuff. You don’t pay Master Sgt. John Tomassi enough to spout this stuff without a sarcastic tone or a snicker.

As someone with a bit of Siberian-American in his genetic woodpile; I am offended by your ability to be offended.

(NORAD’s) largest exercise to practice those tactics is the twice-yearly Amalgam Warrior, which is scheduled for next April and is now Amalgam Phantom. … And an exercise dubbed "Amalgam Fabric Brave" is now "Amalgam Fabric Dart."

“Fabric Dart?” Oh, that gets my fighting spirit (can I use spirit? Could someone think I am talking about “The Great Spirit?”) up. Dart. Fabric-frigg’n-dart!!!!!!!! Does anyone out there in NORAD’s chain of command EVER fly an airplane? Do they have any concept of “Fabric Dart”, "Butt Dart” or “Lawn Dart” in our military tradition?

This just sucks so hard, and in so many ways is makes me wonder if there is any hope for the present war or any other war.

What a pile of paternalistic, insulting, pathetic PC shit-on-a-shingle.

When that PC Commissars Committee came by with their fetid little project, someone with an eagle or stars on their uniform and a pair of unshaven balls (not-that-there-is-anything-wrong-with-that) should have asked them how much time they wasted on it, and why they think we should not honor the courage and fighting spirit of the Pre-Columbian inhabitants on this land? What should we do now, remove Tecumseh from the USNA? I didn’t think so. I think. Who knows. We have lost our rudder, shuttered our gun-ports, and put away the grog.

What about the CNO’s ”Sea Warrior” concept? Who is going to fill out the counseling chit on him? Oh, I know – Change it to “Sea Dart,” wait, we have that. Ummmm, “Sea Sponge.” Ehhh, “Sea Sailor,” no, redundant. Ahhhh, mmmmm, “Sea Foam?” There, that is precious and kind enough for all.

Oh, the new head of NORAD (no implication that he is like Ward Chruchill - just an attention getting title - please no threatening emails) is a Navy Guy. A VA/VFA guy. There are no more nations to go to. I guess I need to get used to this in time for my grandchildren.

That’s it. Only Marine Generals allowed at NORAD; and make it LT GEN Mattis.

Hat tip John, back and coming from the top rope.

---

UPDATE: Thanks for the wide knowledge base of my readers...and confirmed by Mother Salamander (see comments for details) we now know that there is a real (no kidding) thing as a "Fabric Dart." Yep, it's official: OPERATION "Fabric Dart" = OPERATION "Boob Holder."

You can't make this stuff up.

---

Doonesbury: The slime and the smear of a bitter generation

Since I left my childish Leftist beliefs behind (there were a few here and there), my ability to abide Doonesbury has become less and less.

Most of you know my attitude problem with the Baby Boomers and their narcissism. Doonesbury is a perfect example of that. All the clichés, politics, thoughts, perspectives, myths and priorities of the large Leftist wedge of that spoiled, selfish generation can be found in that strip.

The last straw of many last straws has been the treatment of B.D. and his return from Iraq. Take all the tired, debunked, post-Vietnam smears of veterans, and it has been rolled up into one stinking ball slathered over B.D.

Shame isn't enough. Time to shun.

BTW, I'll be "off-line" for a couple of days. Cheers all.

---

BT

Have to leave on a positive note. Love the dog, and find the vest add-ons very interesting. Reminds me of those "AK" vests you see bad guys wear.

U.S. Marine Lance Cpl. Shawn M. Gallagher , a dog handler attached to the 1st Battalion, 5th Marine Regiment, and Youry, a Belgian Malinois, stand guard in Ramadi.
(Cpl. Tom Sloan / U.S. Marine Corps)

Staff Weenie backup weapon

Upset that 4 years into the war and they still don’t let you come to NH95 with your M9?

Work for a NATO run staff and cannot understand their weapons phobia?

Bother you that you and your buds are working hard in the tent and know that you are one mortar shot away from loosing the only people around with guns to defend you?

Look wistfully at your Sharpshooter ribbon in full knowledge that you have no way to protect yourself for the Jihadi that you just know wants to attack your post in Mayport?

Well, there is a way around this lack of foresight and neutered warrior spirit of your superiors….prepare anyway and have your backup weapon ready. Don’t let the enemy delete your PowerPoint slides! Don’t let him take the last of your square yellow-stickies! Don’t let him steal the quarter can at the coffee mess!

Thanks to our Cyrillic writing friends, we have the ultimate Staff Weenie sidearm. If SERVMART is properly stocked, you and your fellow Weenies will be able to hold off any stealer of copier paper. Laser targeting and silent action to make the he-men at Blackwater proud.

Here she is, but go here to get the full directions!!!

Are you reading Greg Gutfeld?

I don't care if it is found on The Huffington Post, you have to read Greg. Here is a short sample.

4. My friends laugh out loud when they read Deepak Chopra's posts. But I find the posts deeply spiritual. Is that normal?
It is normal if you're a rich, well-educated but confused individual who finds organized religion too difficult to fit into her schedule and far too demeaning to her ego-driven intellect. While real faith requires sacrifice and a willingness to look outside yourself, "spirituality" alone is internal, ego-based and easy to do. Spirituality without religion is like pretending you won the game without playing. Instead of contemplating God, you contemplate your navel. "And it's an endless, ever-expanding navel," Deepak might say.

[FLASH HUFFPO CORRECTION! In his recent post, Deepak wrote, "Death can be viewed as a total illusion because you are dead already." The Huffpo would like to point out that we are not dead already, even if Bill Maher appears to be.]

---

I don't know about you, but reading the Huffington Post can be mentally and physically exhausting. I thought it was just me, but after talking to many other people - including assorted medical experts - I have found that even just a moderate exposure to the Huffpo can make you sick!

Scientists maintain we have two timekeeping centers in our brains. Research shows that after reading the blog, these "time centers" no longer match up - and your body's natural (circadian) rhythms are no longer in sync. In medical circles, this is called Huff Lag. And it occurs after reading particularly cumbersome entries in which their conclusions in no way validate the time and effort it took to actually read the posts.

"When you arrive at the end, you are disoriented, groggy and confused," says one expert. "Huff Lag is exactly like jet lag, except you haven't gone anywhere to get it."

---

“With an irresistible mix of moral relativism and false consciousness, THE HUFFPO GUIDE TO GOOD AND EVIL helps me handle any debate involving terrorism - or any subject dealing with evil!” - Greg Gutfeld, 40, writer, pet owner and part-time Pilates instructor. “Passing judgment is so expensive! This seminar teaches me how to make everything relative - so I don't have to defend my country - or my relatives!”

So far, I've learned so much from Deepak Chopra! Like, when faced with one act of terror, simply equate it to an act of non-terror!

“Why is killing a person in uniform more acceptable than a person in civilian clothing? Who makes the rules about "civilized vs. uncivilized" killing? Can we begin to question these rules?”

Thanks to Deepak, we can pose such questions! But we can't answer them, because there are no answers! As Chopra explains - no one is right, and no one is wrong!

"This is the bias that of course 'we' are good and mostly right while 'they' are bad and mostly wrong. It's on that basis that unacceptable slaughter continues on all sides."

Melike.

BTW, he is the editor of Maxim UK.

Make sure and read "authors bio" at the end of posts.

First Battle of Savo Island

The worst defeat of the United States Navy.

The Battle of Savo Island. A battle that shouldn’t have really happened, but it did. By any measure, the Japanese should have been quickly and decisively defeater, but they weren’t. American and allied navies were driven away at a critical point in the Guadalcanal campaign by a much smaller force, and through their defeat gave name to a body of water soon to be known as Ironbottom Sound.

This was a huge intelligence failure on both sides (I blame Bush, Rumsfeld, and the Neocons), but the lessons here are stark, important, and relavent today; training, initiative, clear command, aggressiveness, and weapons that work will win the day….plus plain old dumb luck. Lady luck was with the IJN this day. Lets take out the MOBOARD.

Forces:

IJN: 5 Heavy Cruisers (CA), 2 Light Cruisers (CL), 1 Destroyer (DD)

USN-RAN: 6 CA, 2 CL, 8 DD

Prelude: IJN COMEIGHTFLT VADM Mikawa out of Rabul had at his disposal CA Chokai at 13,000 tones with 10 203mm guns and 24 torpedo tubes (we covered the joy of the “Long Lance” torpedo before). Additionally he had RADM Aritomo’s CRUDIVSIX’s six CA; Aoba, Kinugasa, Furutaka, Kako. Also in the area was RADM Matsuyama CRUDIVONEEIGHT’s CL Tenryu and Yubari with the one DD in his two DESDIVs that was available, the DD Yunagi. In reaction to the American landing in the Solomon Islands, they made their run down “The Slot.”

Waiting for them were parts of VADM Fletcher, RADM Crutchley (RN attached to the RAN) and RADM Turner’s forces. Overall they had a force of 3 Carriers (CV) with 140 planes, 1 Battleship (BB), 14 Cruisers (CA/L), 31 DD, 5 Oilers, and 19 Transports conducting a not-very-efficient landing. Arrayed around Savo Island’s approaches though, they had 6 CA, 2 CL, and 8 DD.

TF64 RADM Scott had the Eastern approaches with CL USS San Juan, CL HMAS Hobart, DD USS Monssen, DD USS Buchanan.

Western approaches were covered by DD Blue and Ralph Talbot.

Northern approaches under TG62.3 under CAPT Riefkohl with CA USS Vincennes, Astoria, and Quincy. Also DD USS Wilson and Helm.

Southern approaches under TG62.2 RADM Crutchley, RN had CA HMAS Australia, Canberra, and USS Chicago with DD USS Patterson and Bagley.

That’s the chessboard.

Not everything is at is seemed. Numbers don’t mean everything. The Japanese were coming south with a complete Cruiser division that had extensive training together, with a focus on fighting at night, and were rightly confident with their ample supply of the “Long Lance.” At 1430 on 07 AUG VADM Mikawa got underway with a goal to be at Savo Island on 0001 on 09 AUG. Intel (got to love the N2 folks) told him there was no danger to him from the US carriers (worked out that way, but if the US was on his toes, the Admiral would have had 140 carrier planes to worry about).

Speaking of the N2 folks, on the US side the reconnaissance plan had about everything in The Solomons covered…except….”The Slot.” Admiral Turner actually say this glaring mistake and directed that gap be filled, but due to the Byzantine chain-of-command from the Task Force-SOWESPACCOM-COMAIRSOPAC, it never took place. The afternoon of the 8th, a RAAF Hudson sighted the Japanese surface group, but by the report found its way to the Allied forces, it was reported as “3 Cruisers, 2 gunboats, and 2 seaplane tenders." This was quickly dismissed as not threat.

Here is another lesson; don’t take all intel reports, especially single first ones, at face value. Also, the Allied forces staff evaluated what the Japanese “would do” with their force, not what they “could do.”

Not seeing a threat, Admiral Turner called a meeting to go over plans as the landing at Guadalcanal was not (shock) going as planned. To make the meeting, RADM Crutchley left his TG with the CO of USS Chicago. The main force was without a Flag.

Thus the evening of 08 AUG, The Ignorant met the Ill-briefed.

Two days of Condition ONE watches had the Allied ships exhausted. The afternoon of 08 AUG (I think) they shifted to Condition TWO, so the “A Team” could send their exhausted tails to the rack after two days of coffee driven watches.

09AUG
0047: Mikawa saw Savo Island. With his ships at 22KTS, he slipped pass Blue at 10,000 yards unseen.
0130: Increased speed to 30KTS. Northern and Southern groups sited.
0131: First “Long Lance” fired.

The rest was a slaughter.

…the eerie silence over the sound was broken by the rolling thunder of Chokai's first eight-inch volley, aimed at Canberra.
On the latter, the sudden shock of gunfire from the north brought the bridge watch into action and Captain Getting to the bridge, but her engagement that night would be swift and violent. Turning northeast to unmask her aft batteries, Canberra was hit some twenty plus times in a matter of five minutes, lost power for her armament and pumps, and was rendered unable to fight with not a single main gun round fired. A single torpedo, fired by the destroyer Bagley, had also hit Canberra.

Never even returned fire. Even hit by friendly fire.

Now, I want everyone here to put yourself in the shoes of the unnamed XO of the USS Chicago. Odds are you are somewhere either on the bridge, walking around the ship. Though you have had little sleep in the last 2 days, you have to have your best watch teams resting now that you are in Condition TWO and do whatever you can as your CO is the TG Commander while the Limey Admiral is away getting facetime…

On Chicago, hints at the presence of enemy ships had been seen earlier but not triggered a response. Captain Bode, in tactical command, was in his cabin, and hurried up. Even as aircraft flares blossomed over the Southern Group, and Canberra started her turn, few on Chicago figured out the facts. Chicago did not get to fire her 203mm guns either, when she began a series of maneuvers undertaken to evade torpedoes. Alas, confusion reigned on her bridge. Captain Bode, who had come up from his cabin, reports came in of torpedoes approaching from starboard. Bode turned his vessel towards that direction, leading his to comb the Japanese torpedo spread. However, moments later, the bridge lookouts spotted torpedoes to port, from on the unengaged side, possibly from the same spread of Bagley that had hit Canberra. Bode swung his ship around again, trying to comb the new thread, but by doing so, exposed the entire length of his ship to the Japanese torpedoes. One slammed in Chicago, crippling her. Slowly, she swung westward (via a southerly heading), out of the battle. Captain Bode, immersed in the plight of his ship, and fighting the damages incurred, ignored his role as task group commander and failed to issue orders to his ships or to inform his superiors of what had happened. Chicago shortly rendered fire support to the destroyer Patterson, which was dueling with Japanese light cruisers Yubari and Tenryu. From Patterson, the only contact report had been made by the Southern Group, issued by Commander Frank Walker via radio at 0146.

….or be a Gunner's Mate on the Patterson….

Mikawa could allow himself a moment of pleasure when at 0150 the searchlights of three Japanese cruisers snapped on to light the U.S. line up. A moment later, the first salvo left Chokai's gun tubes, and soon the entire Japanese line was firing, with torpedoes added for good measure.
On the U.S. ships, disbelief was the common reaction to the sudden illumination. Captains Riefkohl and Greenman (of Astoria) were certain they faced the Southern Group, accidently assuming their Allies to be the enemy. Soon, however, shells erased all hope that a peaceful conclusion could be found with a radio call or flag hoisting (although Riefkohl tried the latter with curious success lasting several minutes). Riefkohl ordered battle stations and twenty knots, the latter being made impossible by untimely interference from a torpedo from Chokai.
Neither of the three heavy cruisers put up much of a fight, though two salvoes from Quincy slammed into Chokai, destroying a gun turret.
… not later than 0220 that all three U.S. cruisers were reduced to swimming wrecks. There remained little to do for Mikawa, who kept to a new northwest course he had established during the brief engagement with the Northern Force. There, U.S. picket destroyer Ralph Talbot blundered into the Japanese path and was given an unhealthly large dose of fire. Burning and lisiting, only a rain squall at the right time saved the little ship from becoming another victim of Mikawa's. The Admiral, after consulting his staff,decided at shortly before three in the morning to cancel any further attacks and retire at top speed to Rabaul.

The Allied navies stood around in shock.

Vincennes had slipped under at 0300 already … Thirty minutes past midday, Astoria accompanied Vincennes and Quincy, having already sunk at 0238, down to the ground of Ironbottom Sound.

I can’t do much better than the author's conclusion.

There is, however, much more blame to spread around than could possibly be laid upon the commanders on the spot. The Allied operations plan was poor. Although the distribution of the forces could not be helped, the fact that there were only two flag officers with the three screening groups necessarily led to command problems. Captain Bode of Chicago can not be considered ill-suited for a task group command, but to control damage control efforts on his ship, designated a new course and general approach to the action for his vessel, worrying about torpedoes and the like, in addition to trying to control the rest of his force proved too much. The dogged skill of the Japanese torpedo men and gunners and the coolness of the Japanese approach added to the completeness of the victory by ascertaining that the initial blows would come out of the dark and be deadly at the same time. The engagement with the Southern Force had been decided in five minutes, and not much more time was needed to deal with the Northern Force, which had a slight advantage of strength, position and alertness over its southern counterpart. This combination of near flawless execution of a well-exercised operation by the Japanese, and the problematic layout of command and control arrangements on the Allied side led to the defeat of Savo; the worst naval defeat ever suffered by the U.S. Navy.

The Butcher's Bill?

IJN:2 cruisers damaged, 58 dead, 70 wounded

USN/RAN: 4 cruisers sunk, 1 cruiser damaged, 2 destroyers damaged, 1,270 killed, 709 wounded

The lessons learned that day were not lost though. Our final victory in the Pacific tells that story. The important thing now is that in our everyday work, staffing, planning, and underway time – are we listening to those things written in blood? Are we earning it?