Where Would we Bury all the Bodies?

This bit from Simon Kupor at FT has to be parody, but the emanations from the internationalist bubble-people makes it hard to tell. Even if parody ... deep down this is how a lot of people who so hate the Republican  led USA and Tory led UK think.

Either way, what a fun read this is. If parody, it isn't all that good of a parody ... or is it?

All I can think of is what I like to tell alternative history types who wonder, "What if foreign powers intervened in our civil war?"

Well, I know what would have happened last time; Grant and Lee would have stopped shooting at each other and would have slaughtered whatever foreign power landed on US soil, and then returned to their fratricidal madness.

In this scenario, I don't know about where you live, but if this was tried in my corner of the Union, almost all but opportunistic tone deaf grifters would - even if the US military disbanded - tell the commander of the nearest Belgian/Brazilian/Bangladeshi battalion who landed,

"Excuse us, but would you please leave? Yes, I know you have orders and you are where you are right now, but I'll tell you what; if you don't leave your base, you'll be fine for 2-weeks. You need to leave inside 2-weeks. If any of your people go on any patrol, they will be considered hostile by militia forces - which by the Florida Constitution is,

The militia consists of all able-bodied citizens of this state and all other able-bodied persons who have declared their intention to become citizens.

We want everyone to go home, so please move along. If you can't leave in two weeks, then you will have to surrender all your heavy weapons you cannot carry on the ship we will provide for your transport to The Bahamas. If you do not leave, we will have to kill everyone armed foreign national who does not surrender. Sorry, those are the rules. Governor DeSantis did not invite you & we don't recognize the UN authority inside our boundaries.

Thank you very much and have a nice day."

Some on the left seem gripped by new civil war fantasies. These people are not well. Do they even live a real life? Well, they think it is possible, so we will have to deal with their fevered foolishness.

You can almost smell how much he hates Anglosphere success, especially the American version, and he can't help himself.

The entering assumption here is that an "International Intervention" force would succeed. What would we call it, the American Stabilization Intervention Force (ASIF)?

Yes that is perfect. ASIF. As. If. 

Anyway. It would never reach the point where the fevered internationalists would be able to,

“How to stop a civil war” says the cover of the latest Atlantic magazine. I can suggest a fix: the international community should intervene in the US. Of course Americans have a right to self-determination but the priority now is saving democracy.
...
...the first step is power sharing: a transitional government that includes all conflicting sides. ... Next comes an Afghan-style loya jirga, or grand assembly, to kick off a national dialogue. ...

Americans may also need to abandon the polarising impeachment of Donald Trump and let him seek exile in a friendly country: the model could be Ukraine’s kleptocratic pro-Kremlin former president Viktor Yanukovich, now based out of Russia.

The loya jirga writes a new constitution. This would be Britain’s first, and for the US, a much-needed update of its antiquated 1787 document. Japanese jurists could help draft it as a thank you to Americans for writing Japan’s excellent 1947 constitution.

The new text would dispense with vagaries such as “high crimes and misdemeanours”, define presidential corruption and end political control of the judiciary. If it’s undemocratic for the Polish or Hungarian governments to appoint judges, why can the US president do it?
... The US’s second republic will also need a new electoral system that favours coalitions instead of winner-takes-all rule. ...

At best, intervention will freeze the US’s overlapping ethnic, economic and regional conflicts. The question for the international community then becomes: how much blood and treasure is it willing to expend on a country that may not be ready for democracy?

Relax Simon, we know you're trying to be funny here (I think), but child please. We actually have less "ethnic, economic, and regional conflicts" in the USA than we have ever had in my short half-century+ on the planet.

As long as the excitable, bitter, ahistorical types are kept from power, we're fine.

Also, don't send the IC here if we do have a civil war. We only solve that one way - bleed each other until one side is exhausted. If foreign power try to get in our way, we'll just, as outlined above, turn our guns, warehouses of NH4NO3,  and redneck technicals on you until you leave.

We'd have enough trouble burying each other - we really don't have the resources to bury all of you too.