Someone Help Allison, Please

I was going to post this yesterday, but I figured that most of you would think I was putting up an April Fool's joke ... but this ain't no joke.

I this is the Yin to last Saturday's - literally - Yang.

Well ... nothing really to do here but say .... BEHOLD!

A fast, maneuverable surface warrior, the Navy's first littoral combat ship USS Freedom has joined the 7th Fleet in the Pacific.

It just goes downhill from there.

... the littoral combat ship (coastal and shallow water areas are called “littoral”) is quick and agile, and loaded with mission packages that can be configured for surface warfare, countering sea mines and anti-submarine warfare.

Ummm ... PMC, NMC, & NMC. Next.

Freedom will initially be manned by her crew of 91 sailors, who include mission package personnel and an aviation detachment to operate its MH-60 helicopter.

Freedom can provide critical access and dominance in coastal water battlespaces.

What press release is she cribb'n from? Access ... dominance ... battlespaces? Oh, for the sake of all that is holy, it hurts ... it burns ... and Beavis says, "She said package."

Should a battle erupt, Freedom can act as a hub to tie together sea, air and land assets.

Yes, I am quite sure it will tie together sea, air and land assets .... the same way a limping zebra ties together a pride of lions.

Let's say the mission required weapons systems to defeat enemy subs. An anti-submarine package would include an MH-60 Romeo carrying an active dipping sonar, sonobuoys and heavy-weight torpedoes.

OK ... will one of my photoshop SME's please produce a Seahawk carrying a MK-48 in a sling, please .... and if you can do it while it is dragging the mine hunting sled, that would be great. Chop, chop - humor isn't patient.

What if the enemy had littered the coastal waters with mines? Freedom’s countermeasures package can search twice as quickly as earlier systems. It requires only two operators and would include tech like the Remote Multi-Mission Vehicle and Raytheon’s airborne SONAR mine countermeasure detection system, AQS-20A.

Oh yes ... two people clearing a minefield. Only in Millington. There isn't enough caffeine in Christendom to make that watch bill work.

Freedom’s tech could include the Gun Mission Module MK 50 MOD, a Non-Line of Sight Launch System Mission Module, a MH-60R helicopter and vertical takeoff drones.

Enhanced ... of course, by the stern-mounted partridge in a pear tree MOD 1, natch.

Led by prime contractor Lockheed Martin, ...

Wait ... that is the third time LMT mentioned in this article ... Ken .... do you have a new girlfriend? I hear she is quite nimble ... but I digress;

USS Fort Worth, the team’s second littoral combat ship, was delivered two months early last year and included improved fuel efficiency and speed, reduced weight, improved satellite and launch, recovery and handling systems and landing aids with advanced night vision capability.

Hey! How come no one told me about the SpaceX Mission Module ... errrr ... I mean "package."

Photoshop pros ... here is another. I need a SpaceX Falcon-Heavy on the stern of LCS-1 (with appropriate LCS'esqe camo with the black to hide any exhaust stains) - and where the late-not-so-great NLOS void is, we need that little remote arm on the ISS that grabs stuff. That way it can launch a satellite ... and recover it while handling it at night.

Allison ... please ... reach out. We are legion that can help you will all things maritime ... we're here for you, especially LT B. He would like to start with a tour of one of our battleship memorials.

Little Crappy Ship™ - the gift that keep on giving.

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UPDATE: While SJS works on his migraine .... front porch for the win!

Hat tip BB.

Hat tip JR.