Alliance Alert Levels

FRANCE: Following the announcements by Taliban in Afghanistan, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide.' The only two higher levels in France are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate.' The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing their military. In response to the French raising their alert level other European countries have responded in kind.

ITALY: The Italians have increased their alert level from "Shouting Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain, "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

GERMANY: The Germans have also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Full Dress Uniform and Marching Songs." They have two higher levels, "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

UNITED STATES: Seeing this reaction in continental Europe, the Americans have gone from "Isolationism" to "Find Somewhere Ripe for Regime Change." Their remaining higher alert states are "Take on the World" and "Screw the World."

GREAT BRITAIN: The British have gone from "Pretend Nothing's Happening" to "Make Another Cup of Tea". Their higher levels are "Chin Up and Remain Cheerful" and "Win." With the growing number of native grown Muslim terrorists and security threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was 1066.